Do you think the story of your life matters? I do.
This summer, I have had the blessing to be part of an amazing community at Sky Lodge Christian Camp. Some call it a job, but the impact it's had on my life proves that it's so much more than that.
The theme of the summer staff program this year is "Our Story". When I first heard that, I was thrilled and terrified at the same time. Why? I was thrilled because I love stories. Not just the kind born in the minds of humans like J.R.R Tolkien and C.S. Lewis, but also the stories that we all live. Each person contains a legacy of memories and experiences that have helped shape them; stories that strengthen and scar them. Most importantly, we all share in God's story and his plans for each of our lives. That's a beautiful thing when you actually contemplate it.
Then, however, God began to speak to me about my own story. That's when an uneasiness set in - the feeling that I would have to face my own scars and fears. I knew that if "Our Story" was the premise of the summer, that I, too, would be subject to share my life and be honest about it. That has proven to be true, but it's actually quite a wonderful experience. The summer is far from over, but already I've had the privilege of seeing raw humanity, both in myself and others.
What I'd like to make a point about, though, is why I felt uneasy in the first place and why I think we all feel that. I'm not apprehensive about sharing my story - that's something I now look forward to. The problem is, my story doesn't have a clean, happy ending. It's full of mistakes, it's incomplete, and it's just messy. Being a fan of stories and writing, I so wanted to have a conclusion. I wanted there to be an ending that could encourage others. I wanted closure, and I don't think I'm alone in this.
It's a seemingly naive sentiment; obviously our story isn't over, so there isn't an ending. But we don't want to tell an incomplete story because it exposes us. It leaves us right where we're at - messy, confused, struggling. It prevents us from painting ourselves to be something we're not. And even if we know deep down that that's a good thing, it still scares us. In addition, as a Christian I want my story to be a testimony of God's grace, but it seems hard to do that if I admit that I'm still a work in progress. We somehow have this perception that to be a Christian means to be clean and polished and all together. That's the disconnect.
So how do we shift our focus? How we do be honest while still glorifying God? First off, we need to realize that our story doesn't consist of only pain. No person is devoid of blessings and joys. You may be hurting as your family falls apart, but you still have that one person that you can talk to. You may have faced rejection all your life, but there were still those times you felt loved more than anything. You may not know how you're going to pay for school this year, but you know that God always provides. When we open up, it will be messy, but that doesn't mean there aren't joyful moments and victories in your story as well.
The second thing we need to understand is that we're not alone. The subconscious fear in most of us, I think, is that we'll be judged or rejected or ridiculed if we share our story. We think that we'll be singled out because we're so messed up. But let me remind you how absurd that is. Yes, there might be those people that condemn, but then it's them doing something wrong, not you. You see, you're not the odd one out if you're messed up. We all struggle and we all have joy and pain in our stories. We put up facades, so we fear that everyone else is in much better shape than we are, while that is rarely the case. So really, it'd be if you were perfect that you'd be the odd one out.
Chances are, you've either heard all this before or it seemed fairly obvious. Yet, I think we all need a reminder: You are not alone. You are not too far gone. Your story is worth sharing.
It takes a special humility to be honest. It's a humility that prevents us from towering over others but also keeps us from beating ourselves up. It's a terrifying thing, but imagine if we all lived like that. I would like to point out that honesty is not the same as a lack of discretion or privacy. Obviously not everything should be shared with everyone at any time. The excuse of "honesty" is also not a legitimate license for gossip or seeking attention.
True honesty, though - Spirit-led, God-honoring honesty - is something we are in need of, especially in the Christian community. We need to know that we're not alone. We need to learn to grow closer to God together in a new way. And that starts with me and you.
I'm learning what it means to honest. What's your story?
